TFA Monologue: Mgbafo

Brother, I’ve come to you for advice. What should I do? As you know, it has been nine years since I’ve been married to that man Uzowulu. This is hard to say... I thought that I’d be happy, but all these years, there has not been a day where he didn’t leave me on the floor, curled up, beaten. I had hoped that having another child would please him but because of his actions, that child is no longer with us. Now, all I am is a useless mouth to feed because... Because... I... It... I am no longer able to have children.  He veils his violence  through excuses that say I was with another man, or that I have been stealing cowries and using them for my own luxuries, but all of those are lies! All of them! He thinks that by lying to himself, he would be able to make me think that I deserved his fury. I try so hard to please him, but, is this really worth it? Is it? It’s fine, I guess,  since I’m the one he releases his anger on, but what if one day, I’m not enough anymore? What if one day, he decides to hit  my Nneka or Obialo? I have thought about fleeing many times but I have nowhere to go. Sooner or later, he would come find me, wherever I am. And even if I ran, it would have given him more of an excuse to beat me! You understand, don’t you? Plus, I was born here, I grew up here. To completely separate myself from him would mean that I’d have to leave this village. But for me, someone who has never been outside these familiar lands, I don’t know anyone out there who would help me; they may not want to have anything to do with me! No brother, I can’t move back home. I would not want my beloved family to have to suffer the burden of caring for me, I am afraid. I fear that one day, I will not be able to get up again once he beats me down, that he will crush my soul and  I am afraid that he will destroy what is dearest to me, my children. I must admit, this is where it gets complicated. I still love him, but at the same time, I fear for my life. Brother, you are known to have wisdom beyond your years... How do I make this man see me as something of value? Or maybe to just make him stop his violence or just … Or just... I’m lost, what should I do?  Which path should I choose?